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Afraid

People fear what they don’t know about you

What they cant look up online

What they can’t go and ask your friend or enemy about you

They fear what they can’t control about who you are

They fear not knowing

People love your social media because they think they know you

They fear your real life

Your real success

Loving social media is great but having things in private is even better

People fear the emotions they cant control about you

People fear

Before You

Before you tell me about my life and the way it is supposed to be

Before you tell me about my past and who I used to be

Before you tell me about my future and the way it will be

Take a walk in my shoes

live my life and then maybe just maybe will  I listen to your rhetoric

You cant tell me about myself unless you have walked in my shoes lived my life and gone through my struggle.

My struggle is my debt my reality.

I watch and listen as people tell me about myself as if they know me or they were there when the event happen

I listen to people tell me what type of parent I should be or the type of parent I am based upon what they heard.

I just kindly let them know before you assume my life live my life.

 

When you love

When you love someone are you willing to sacrifice yourself for them.

Your soul, your moral fiber, are you willing to put their needs over yours.

how do you know if the person you love loves you back.

I gave up something I really wanted for someone that I love and I won’t say that I regret it but I will say that I would never do it again.

In life every decision that I make I try to take into account the others around me

My children especially their life is most important.

This big decision that I made took a piece of my heart with it and it simply gave me more wisdom in life than I have ever had.

It opened my eyes to something I have never seen… It gave me life and made me begin to reclaim my old life.

This decision that I made affects my every move.

It talks to me in my sleep, it tells me to that it is ok and it’s not mad at me.

This decision was very hard for me but it made me stronger and showed me something I haven’t seen in myself in a long time.

Now my life is back on track. I am back loving me myself and I.

Wondering

Sitting in class wondering what’s next.

Being a single mom but also a single woman I have dedicated so much of my life to other people. Not just my children but the people that I Love and have been in love with.

I find myself dedicating so much love and attention to others but neglect to feel the love and receive the love for myself.

Love is funny at times. It is painful, it hurts so much, but it also makes you happy from a place that no one can see. It brings unspeakable joy to your heart.

That type of love can’t be faked, It can’t be fudged it is a love like no other.

If you find a person that can make you mad as hell but then bring a smile to your face in the same sense. A person that you can’t shake that is the person you are meant to be with. A relationship is never easy but when you find someone that loves you for your past, accepts what present in order to be apart of your future that is who you need to be with,

 

A Mother

A woman’s body is a sacred place
Some of the things a woman can do with her body makes a woman very very special.

A woman has the privilege to create life
She has the ability to carry a child.

The love that a woman gets from her child can not be matched.
The love a child has for their mother is unconditional it can not be faked it can not be fudged it is the realist thing in this life.

A woman creates a person.

Now grant-it she cant do it alone but let’s think

If a father doesn’t want to be involved he has the option to leave
Now don’t get me wrong the mother does as well but its frowned upon when a mother leaves her child

It is seen as a vast double standard.
It is easy to call a father a dead beat but not a mother.

Mothers can be deadbeats as well.

How can a mother get pregnant and then allow the people around her to judge her to where she feels like she needs to have an abortion, from family, to friends, even her partner.
How can two people create something so precious as a life that they can discard it like yesterday’s trash.

It hurts because I understand some of the circumstances, no finances to support the baby, not in a relationship with the father, not married, family religious beliefs but when does all of that stop mattering and the woman makes her own decision for her own body and her own right.

Is it right?
Women raise kids by themselves every single day without fail trust I am one of them at times it is hard very very hard but I have learned that not everyone should have control over what you do with your body.

Can you Speak and Listen

Can you speak and Listen at the same time
Can you Listen and Speak in the same breath

Can you hear but not listen
Can you listen but not hear

Can you look but not see
Can you see but not look

Can you live but not love
Can you love and not live

Can you drink and not swallow
Can you swallow and not drink

What is speaking without someone to listen
What is listening but not hearing

How can you look but not see
How can you live without love

Listen

Have you ever listened to yourself in an argument?

Do you hit below the belt
Do you say things you don’t mean

Do you both speak but not listen

What can be done so both people feel like they are being heard

So both opinions matter

Why are relationships so hard
Why is communication so hard

Why does one have to control the emotions of the other
Why does one think the other should conform to the way they feel, the way they think

Is a relationship about conformity, compromise, or are we one and we make decisions together.

What do you when you feel unheard, left out of the decision that affects both of you?

Do you listen to the things that come out of your mouth?
Should you conform to the others opinion or do you stand your ground
What do you do
How can you listen to be heard instead of hear but not listen.

Disappointed

Sometimes I wonder why I give people the benefit of the doubt but even doubtedly a second chance.

Is it because I know the struggle they face?

Is it because I have been in their position?

I really can’t understand why my heart won’t let me return to my natural order of things when I didn’t care so much.

I hate this feeling of constantly giving giving giving only to be left with nothing in return.

But yet this is where I put all my ducks, in this one basket. This basket that disappoints me at every turn.

All I can see is disappointment

The Eyes

Look into my eyes and tell me what you see
Can you see my hurt
Can you see my pain

Can you see the emotional abuse I experience Day and night
Can you see my stretch marks that I hide so well
Can you see the physical abuse I endure
Can you see the times I have no money to eat
Or the times I went without food to feed my children
Look into my eyes can you see my inner self
Or do you see my outside that I mask with expensive garments and a fake smile
Look into my eyes can you see me
The REAL me trying to get out
Or do you see my social media page, my fancy car, my expensive wardrobe, my handsome husband who created my inner low self-esteem.
Look into my eyes is life as easy as I make it look
Or is life as hard as waking up to a man that I have to question whether his love for me is real.
Look into my eyes
I am begging you to tell me what you see

The Drug

I was addicted to you like a man on that gold

You were my drug of choice
The choice that was so bold

I smoke you like a reef
Drink you like a 40

Stick you up my arm to get that feeling I never had before
You were a drug like no other
I crave you
Like a crack-head craving that next hit
Like an alcoholic stealing money from their children to get their next drink

Why do I crave such a drug
You made me feel like no one else has ever had
You taught me things I could never understand

But yet

you failed me
you used me
you abused me

Just like a drug
Uses and abuses does it’s job for that moment and then disappears

You were my drug
Now you are my afterthought

I hate what you have done to me
I hate the way you treated me
I hate this drug I used to call my own my love
I hate that I let you in
I hate that you were my drug of choice.

Like a woman strung out loses out on time
That’s what I did to you
I craved you so long I missed out on my life.

I Hate you.