A Scorned Love

A Scorned wo/man can not be of assistance. They are to busy hurting people because they are hurt.
For instance the saying goes hurt people hurt people.
I grew up without my father
It was no fault of his own he didn’t know how to love after the woman he loved the most left him.
Not a woman he was attached to sexually but a woman who had his heart his mother.
He hurt me by not being around but as time has gone on he has realized that his hurt has carried weights unlike no other.

I used to think my dad was incapable of loving because he was never around. I never spoke to him.
Until he and my mom started having a relationship again.
Up until that point I didn’t understand the relationship between my parents.

It was weird growing up.

My mom for years never showed her children any vulnerability and to this day she still doesn’t.
She acts as if she has no care and no fear but I see past all of that.
I don’t think my mom wanted me to have a relationship with my father unless she had a relationship with him. At least growing up that’s what it felt like. We never spent anytime together because he was always with her and that was where his concern was at the time.
He was never there for me but was able to come back into my mom’s life with no problem.
I say all of this to say my dad used women and treated them like objects like things. He had so many it was too many to count and keep up with and don’t get me wrong he acknowledges it now. He was scorned as a young man and that carried weights on him which carried on with the way that his children were raised and treated.
Two scorned people looking for comfort within each other’s arms only creates a tragedy and hate.
My mom grew up without her father after a sudden death and she in turn began to raise herself at no fault of her own just the cards she was dealt she sought the love and attention from others to give her the love her father was not able to give her anymore.
That feeling has carried on within her. She has never dealt with the death of her father nor has his wife/ my grandmother
The relationship between my mother and grandmother you couldn’t cut the tension with a steak knife you need a chainsaw because the two have different views on the past. My grandmother was a working single mother who wasn’t able to be a physical parent she provided for the house which she had to but neglected her first duty to be a mother. Some may say the is an Oxy-Moron because she should have made time but working to provide a roof over the head of your children should never be considered abandonment but can you do both? Can you be a working single mother and an efficient mom?
So much hurt so much pain between the two, so many secrets so many lies, but what does that do for the children involved it creates a void between siblings, unresolved issues of hurt and anger. One Mother holding on to the control, one father who needed to be free of rules and restraint.
Do they see the results of their train wreck NOPE, they just go through life masking the pain with fake smiles and even faker realities.
My life has never been perfect I inherited despicable habits from both sides of my family and now only now having my own children have I discovered that my faults and despicable habits have started to pour into my own children. Which is where the change in my life has come from.
Two scorned people made a child out-of-wedlock, From that union grew a child that had her own children is she scorned? does she hurt? does this pain overcome her daily life? or is she the one to stop the cycle of hurt and pain?

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